Understanding ADHD
As a parent of a neurodivergent child, you’ve likely witnessed the frustrations and challenges of navigating the traditional school system. Watching your bright, capable child struggle with anxiety, sensory overload, or executive function issues in an environment that wasn’t designed for their unique needs can feel overwhelming and disheartening for all of you.
But you don’t have to accept the status quo. With the right strategies and support, you can be your child’s greatest advocate, transforming their educational experience from one of constant struggle to one of genuine growth and achievement.
As an experienced classroom teacher and coach with over three decades of expertise, I’m here to share proven, battle-tested methods that will empower you to navigate the system; collaborate effectively with teachers, and ensure your child receives the accommodations and support they deserve to thrive.
Your child may have made a good start in September, but now things are beginning to fall apart…. What should you do?
I always enjoyed working with the parents who were willing to do their share at home and support my efforts in the classroom.
I was open to learning from them; they knew their child best.
Let’s be honest – I do not recall any special training in working with neurodivergent children when I was at teacher training college. Just like classroom management techniques we were expected to pick it up by osmosis. Sink or swim!
We collaborated and used clear communication. There was no judgement, shame or blame on either side.
We are aiming to recreate that good rapport so that you and the class teacher can have open, honest, non-judgmental, solution focused discussions about your child or grandchild’s educational needs.
I used to tell parents that I promised only to believe half of the things their child told me about them. If they promised to only believe half the things that their child told them about me!
This used to get a laugh and got us off on the right foot from the start.
Step one: arrange a meeting with your child’s teacher to advocate for your child.
This is an important step in building a partnership to support your child’s success and obtain specific support.
Here is a checklist of the steps to arrange a meeting smoothly and effectively.
What is the best method of communication?
- Email? This is often the most formal and efficient way to request a meeting.
- Phone call? You can phone the school and leave a message for the teacher and ask to speak to them if they are available.
- Text message? This is less formal but much more immediate. Maybe it’ll be useful later once you have established that friendly connection.
- In-person request? This is usually easier in a primary setting.
Be clear and specific in your request as to how best to support your child’s needs.
- State the purpose. Let the teacher know why you want to meet. Maybe share the topics you’d like to address beforehand. This will give the class teacher time to collect any relevant paperwork.
- Explore a mutually acceptable time to meet. Please remember how very pressed for time teachers are. Honestly, a trip to the loo in peace is a rare delight. You will be a busy person too. The last thing you want is a rushed meeting where misunderstandings could become entrenched on either side.
- How long would you like the meeting to last? Is it 5 minutes at the start of the day? Or 20 to 30 minutes. This detail allows the teacher to plan a mutually acceptable time more easily. It will set both parties up for success.
- Be prepared to follow up. Schools are very, very busy places, and your phone request can easily go astray, and your email can easily be missed.
Pro Tip: When following up, you can do this in person with a polite reminder email or phone call. Or you can go through the school and ask them to help you schedule the meeting.
- Prepare for the meeting. Bring all the relevant information. For example, if your child has just had an assessment for ADHD or Autism, bring that information with you. It will be vitally important for the smooth running of the meeting.
Tips to help you prepare for the meeting:
Outline your concerns to the teacher before the meeting.
Visualise what you want the outcome to be: a trusting, mutually respectful, working relationship with your child’s teacher and the School community.
Make a list of the key points that you want to discuss to ensure that you can cover everything in the time allotted.
Share these before the meeting if at all possible.
Step two: What to say in the meeting and how to say it.
A great start is to thank the teacher for their support so far. Be specific in your praise.
Then you can move on to talking about your concerns. “I am concerned about….” Detail what your concerns are. Using this frame of words opens up a discussion about how you can work together to improve the areas where your child is struggling. Your child could be feeling excluded. The focus could then be inclusivity.
You could ask, “Do you have any suggestions about how I can support my child at home?” Asking the teacher for suggestions, lets them know that you value their professional opinion.
If your child is struggling in school, it is all too easy to slip into a spiral of negativity but if you begin by asking, “What do you see as my child’s strengths?” You are setting the tone for a much more positive interaction.
Now it’s your turn to show the teacher your expertise. You could say, “I’ve noticed that my child responds well to …..” and here you can give them useful information that they wouldn’t otherwise know about how best to work alongside your child.
Does your son/grandson or daughter/grandaughter have an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP)? This is a legal document that outlines the special educational, health, and social care needs of children or young people up to the age of 25 who have significant disabilities or special educational needs (SEN). It ensures that these individuals receive the necessary support and services to achieve their full potential.
If you are in the United States does your child/grandchild have an Individualized Education Program (IEP) a document that outlines special education services for students with disabilities. It is part of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), a federal law that ensures students with disabilities receive a free and appropriate public education tailored to their unique needs. or educational healthcare plan.
If they do, you can ask, “How are you finding ways to implement this in the classroom?” Here you are assuming that the teacher is following the guidelines in the EHCP or IEP. If they are not this question will be a heads up.
Asking, “What can I do to help?” opens up the possibilities of you supporting your child’s learning at home or maybe you’d like to volunteer at the school? This will reinforce to the teacher that you see this as a team effort.
How do you propose to keep tabs on the success of the meeting? What will the success criteria be? How will your child’s teacher keep you up-to-date? I used to use text messages because they are quick and immediate. Sometimes I would text the message in front of the young person so they were in no doubt that mum and dad and Mrs Ramsey were working together! We didn’t have to keep it up for too long to see the behavioural changes we were aiming for.
A recent Case Study
By being proactive, clear, non-judgemental and respectful, you can easily set up a productive meeting with your child’s teacher to address any concerns and support your child’s education and help them to see that there are always solutions if you go about things in an polite and assertive fashion.
One family I coached in advocacy skills through my group coaching programme for parents and grandparents of ADHD and Autistic children had had a dreadful experience in primary school.
Their child described primary school as “a tunnel of torment”.
The child transitioned to secondary school successfully then the shine started to wear off by the end of year 7. But because the mother had done my course, she felt empowered to initiate a meeting with the school and they worked on a plan to set her child (and his teachers and support staff) up for success in year 8.
This is what the child’s mother said to me after the meeting: “I felt empowered and confident. For the first time, I felt I was having an adult-to-adult conversation and not being patronised.”
Now that’s what I call a result!
My invitation to you
If you would like to know more about how you could advocate for your child’s or grandchild’s unique educational needs in the classroom and beyond, book a complimentary roadmap call using this link to my calendar.
If you would like my Top Tips for Grandparents’ guide click this link:
https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing l5n6y0
If you’d like some comunity support, this is the link to my facebook group for Parents and Grandparents of neurodivergent children and grandchildren.
.Top Tips for Grandparents and Parents of ADHD children