Introduction:
I have a feeling that I first heard Dr Pooky Knightsmith speak at a CollectivED conference in Leeds several years ago.
I just love the straightforward way that she writes directly from her heart.
That’s what resonates with me so much. I have been following her work closely because it chimes with my work with neurodivergent families and then l skew it to my work with my grandparents….with Dr Pooky’s kind permission.
I have been slowly drawing closer to her, and I’m now a patreon and I’ve been exploring more of what she has to offer and that is how I came across her book: Things I Got Wrong So You Don’t Have To”.
Who is it for?
I think this book is for anyone wrestling with self-doubt; anxiety, burnout. and needing a hand to hold. I have found myself in that space very recently. I know that many of the parents and grandparents that I work with feel the same.
The important lesson is that self-care is not selfish and if we are to support the young people in our lives, we need to take care of ourselves first.
It is only 224 pages long and available in kindle, audible and paperback editions. This makes it very accessible for all learning styles.
How is it structured?
The book is set out in seven parts with 48 life lessons ranging from part one: Lessons in Learning to part seven: Lessons in Love and Friendship
Each chapter follows a predictable format:
- What I got wrong
- The lesson, and the teacher
- What I do now
- Looking ahead
- And things you could try
This makes it very easy to navigate, especially for busy people. You could devour it in one session or you can dip in and out depending on where you are at the time and what you need most support with.
With her typical generosity, humility and vulnerability, Pooky names the teachers of each life lesson.
How I used the book
As an ADHDer myself I like to see the big picture, so I galloped through the 7 parts and now I am going back and filling in the journaling sections at the end of each lesson.
So it’s a combination of a fabulous handbook for living and a journaling tool with wonderfully gentle prompts.
The book is set out in seven parts with 48 life lessons ranging from part one: Lessons in Learning to part seven: Lessons in Love and Friendship
Each chapter follows a predictable format:
- What I got wrong
- The lesson, and the teacher
- What I do now
- Looking ahead
- And things you could try
This makes it very easy to navigate, especially for busy people. You could devour it in one session or you can dip in and out depending on where you are at the time and what you need most support with.
With her typical generosity, humility and vulnerability, Pooky names the teachers of each life lesson.
A Few Golden Nuggets……
- Forgive yourself and plan how you will use the new learning for a brighter future. So many parents and grandparents beat themselves up for not being good enough; for not knowing what to do; for shouting at their grandchildren and their adult children and feeling that they’re failing on all fronts.
The “forgive yourself” message is very powerful and therapeutic.
- Adopt the always-learning mindset. This ties in so beautifully with the work on having a growth mindset. Focus on moving forward with new ideas and learning. Be happy to sit with NOT having all the answers. But work on finding solutions as a family by asking for the help that you need. Be aware that there is rarely an answer but every difficult situation is an opportunity for connection and learning as a family.
- A routine for the day keeps depression at bay. I know how unsettled I feel when I lose my daily routine, especially on holidays. We know how helpful regular routines are for supporting folk who are struggling. Predictable, step-by-step routines that are negotiated as a family, are the cornerstone of setting a calm tone in your home.
- And finally: love out loud! Tell the people around you that you love them and that they are doing a great job.
Final thoughts
I am working hard on forgiving myself. I’m committing to looking forward to being a better wife; a better mum; a better grandparent a better friend and a better coach.
I can honestly say this has been one the most influential books I’ve read.
Thank you!
If any of these ideas speak to you and you would like to explore them further….why not book a free 30 minute discovery call?
I love a good chat!
Here’s the link:
Book a Free 30-Minute Consultation – Coaching for Schools
Jean Ramsey